I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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