My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
