don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize