My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
