her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
