Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
