he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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