I accidentally had phone sex last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
