After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
