yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
True but thats because hes a fetus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I want a musical about memes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
