Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
