Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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