When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
