so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
