Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
