so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
