I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
