How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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