Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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