I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
not ubering you a puppy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize