ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
