i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Rumble strips road head = magical
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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