if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
