If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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