You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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