Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
