Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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