his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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