I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
