I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize