is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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