Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
