I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
