take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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