Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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(815): View more from Illinois

I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

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(540): View more from Virginia

i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

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(330): View more from Ohio

now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.

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(530): View more from California

regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

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(205): View more from Alabama

Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.

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(206): View more from Washington

you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings

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