ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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