I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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