whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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