My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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