My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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