I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
