i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
