just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this hospital has no fireball
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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