we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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