What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
