There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
