Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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