Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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