Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
