I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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