man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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