What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
