i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you never un-have a 4some
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
