Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
