There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize