Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
