my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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