She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize