Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
