babies were throwing up all over the place
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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