Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
