The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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