Nicole vs. Life
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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