Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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