And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
