you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
