I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
