dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize