we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
