the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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