just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
