um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
