What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
