is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize