Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude. I can hear the air.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize