i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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