i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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